The best Christmas present ever!

Well, it is nearly upon us again. I really don't know where the time goes. Christmas, the season of good will to all men! Plenty of good stuff happening. Presents, parties, eating and drinking, and generally having fun. Not forgetting of course that it is also a religious holiday. But one thing that is for certain is that cancer does not take any time off. Celebration time or not, it continues on it's destructive path.

As I have mentioned briefly, the festive season, is a particularly difficult time for most people affected by cancer.Maybe they have lost a loved one, just received some bad news, or possibly they are going through treatment. Quite difficult to celebrate, when things like that are 
happening in your life. 

I will be experiencing at first hand, the pressure that patients can feel over the festive season. The difficulty of doctors and staff being away, ensuring that you have enough medication to see you through the period. Worrying about what will happen if you do get sick, over this period. The hospital with far less staff than normal, if you do.
However, this time of the year is a particularly poignant time  for me.
Six years ago, I was in an isolation unit, undergoing a stem- cell transplant.

The staff were unsure about starting it before Christmas, but I was in such poor condition that in the end there was no choice. My immune system was slowly poisoned over 10 days until it was like that of a new born child, then I was given my life saving transplant. A little bag of stem- cells from my anonymous donor was sent across London on a motorbike. All organised by the Anthony Nolan Charity.

The gift of life for Christmas, how meaningful is that? My goodness, how lucky am I? In honesty I am feeling quite emotional whilst writing this piece. Even with this transplant, no one was sure what extra life I would be given, if any. There was no guarantee that I would even survive the transplant. Yet here I am, 6 years later writing this.

I would like to share some of the more surreal moments of my festive season in 2007. Firstly, even though I was under heavy sedation, the Sister, (who was a very attractive young lady,) asked me what I wanted for Christmas. My quick reply, was her, in a tiny Santa outfit! ( Sorry ladies!) She played along and came in on Christmas day with her outfit on!
Secondly, at just past midnight on Christmas Eve, all the patients got a little present from the hospital. What a lovely thought! Finally, on Christmas day, my family and friends all came in to visit me. It certainly was a unique way of celebrating.

So now, I am like the Queen and have two birthdays, my official one and my new life one. So although my bodywork is 57, my system is only 6.
Christmas is a family time, and although we all lead such busy lives, it is an opportunity, for people to spend some quality time with each other. For me, it is always a period of reflection.
I have so much to be thankful for, and I can celebrate that, amongst loved ones and friends. 

Since my illness I have had two grandchildren, and my boys are progressing in their lives. My spare time is taken up by doing lots of exciting things I never imagined I would be doing.
It has taken me a long time to realise, but we are not really in charge of our lives at all! Things happen frequently that change our lives but are totally out of our control. My choices are very restricted, but as I have mentioned in a previous post, things just happen! I could never have imagined seeing 6 Christmas’s after being diagnosed with a stage 4 incurable Lymphoma.
So, as the festive time is upon us, and I watch people celebrating, who knows what is really going on in their lives? Is it just an opportunity to escape from some of our everyday issues? 

Let them enjoy themselves!  In recent years, there have been more serious moments, and less, lighter ones. My baggage is staying outside this Christmas,and in the New Year I will collect it again. I can't forget who owns it, and I don’t think anyone else will want it, so I know it will be still there. But a few days with family and friends will make it feel lighter, when we are reacquainted.
Whilst we are all celebrating the best way we can, the good work continues. Some of my medical team will be working over the holiday, and will be there if they are needed.I would like to thank them and their families for the sacrifices that they continue to make on our behalf. Also my thoughts are always with my fellow patients who are going through treatment with me.

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Celebrating life and sharing the legacy

The last few weeks have been particularly tough for me mentally. After more than 6 years on my 'bumpy journey,' I have seen so many heart breaking situations, many personal, but plenty from friends and colleagues. I have often thought that I have experienced so much in the cancer environment, that there surely can't be anything left that can shock me and pull on my heart strings. But there always is!!

Ironically, my personal health has been the steadiest it has been for some time. The good weather has finally arrived, and the constant threat of colds, flu and chest infections, has subsided for the time being. My maintenance treatment is keeping me mobile, and I am slowly peeping back into the real world again, although with caution, I might add!

Due to my commercial background, I consider myself to be in the 'cancer business.' It also feels like a business, because it is what I spend a lot of time on. As with any business, there are certain things that will always be part of your work. Unfortunately, in this environment, death is very much a part of what we do. Nobody wants that, but it is a fact. Given that this is the case, we must expect to deal with it.

How we deal with things when someone 'passes,' is unique. We will all have had different relationships with that person. Some of us will be closer than others, family and friends, then colleagues etc. There are no rules how we say goodbye, we all do it in our own way. Interestingly, now days, most ceremonies, have a religious basis, but things are even changing here. People are starting to personalise things, to reflect the wishes of the individual.

 

 

 

Yesterday, I was celebrating the life of an incredible young lady. I was fortunate to be a friend and colleague, and my personal experience of a stem-cell transplant was helping her through her own set of unique circumstances. In her young life she touched so many people, with her boundless energy, warmth, and enthusiasm. Even though she was going through her own personal trauma, she would be campaigning or fund raising for cancer charities.

In reality, she only lived, half an average life, but the things that she managed to achieve in such a short time, were probably more than most of us could manage in a lifetime. Her impact cut across generations, and there was such a mixed community to celebrate her life together. We were all recalling our favourite moments, of which there were many.

But this is not where the story ends,nor should it. Her legacy will live on! She has done so much campaigning in the cancer field, that you won't have to look too far, to find a video or a magazine article written or presented by her. The impact she had on others was incredible. She certainly helped improve lives, whilst she was able to, and I'm sure that so many new lives will be positively changed in the future, by her work in the past.

I guess that when most of us think about the word legacy, it involves finance. For example, what we might leave for our children when we die. Since my life has been affected by cancer, my thoughts turned to my own legacy. I have been extremely lucky and have managed a few extra years beyond expectation. This has allowed me to put certain things in place which can hopefully continue, beyond my own life time.I am also trying to play my own small part in improving the lives of people affected by cancer in the future.

I am celebrating the lives of my friends who have died recently. They have had a massive impact in my own life and work, and will continue to. I know that their legacy will live on long into the future, and that their families are very proud of what they were able to do. I am so grateful, to have been a small part of their life too.

This post is dedicated to Bengu Shail, and her family. Thank you for being my friend, and for the legacy you have left us. A brilliant example of Bengu in action can be seen in this video please take a few moments to check it out.