We leave our footprint wherever we go!

I liken myself in many ways to a butterfly. A typical week for me involves meeting a lot of different people in many varied environments, also communicating frequently through social media with people from around the world, on many contrasting subjects. I know a lot of people, and a lot of people know me. In fact strangely, I know many more people now, than when I was travelling the world for my work.

We live in a very fast moving society, and time is always at a premium for everyone, so the butterfly analogy comes from the fact that, although I communicate with so many people, very little is in depth. On many occasions it may be a brief, "hello, how are you?" but a lot of these people I see frequently, so there becomes a familiarity to the relationship.

 

 

The reason for this weeks post is that I was extremely moved by a gesture made to me by one of my fellow patients, which prompted me to think about life, for the entire duration of that session, (approx 4 hours.) As most of you may know, we are in the month of Ramadan. On my rota of treatment, is a Muslim lady who speaks very little English. When we see each other, we wave, and wish each other luck. There seems to be a universal language that everyone understands, when you have cancer!

As soon as I walked into the room, I acknowledged everyone, but her face lit up and her son rushed over to me with a bag. This bag contained a bottle of beautiful aftershave, to celebrate Ramadan!! Wow, that absolutely blew me away. What a lovely thought.

At the end of my session, one of the staff approached me and had seen what had happened. She told me that so many of the patients and staff within the department ask about me. I had no idea. She explained the positive impact I had on everyone. My interpretation was, I came to the ward, said hello to everyone, settled into my chair, and listened to my music. Ok, I did do a bit of chatting :) But that is just my way.

If I am honest, I have not really consciously considered the impact that I may have on other peoples lives, for a long time. Maybe stretching back to when I was learning my trade as a salesman. Then, my income depended on it, so I always thought long and hard about my approach to customers. Even then, I never considered talking to people a 'science.' Be polite, show a genuine interest in the person you are talking to, and make them feel comfortable in your presence, were my basic rules. I use the same ones when engaging on social media.

 

 

 

These days we tend to have very little time for reflection, in our day to day lives, and I doubt if many of us even think about the effect we may have on other people, as we go about our daily chores. If I was working, I probably wouldn't either! But when I dig deeper into my own relationships, there are always certain people I am happy to see or hear from, as often as possible, but others not so.

We are all different of course, it's a wonderful world with the variety of people, and we reflect our individual personalities wherever we go. Of course it is impossible to be 'all things to all men,' but all relationships need some give and take, and work best when both parties do a bit of each!

The 'cancer world' has introduced me to so many incredible people, both professionals and patients. It has placed me into situations I have never ever experienced, and I have had to do things in the way that I consider to be right. It is like learning a new business, and starting as an apprentice, but it seems that my basic principles of communication have served me well.

We get very little time, to make an impression, and people are very quick to make up their minds about us. My aims is always to try and leave a positive memory. Are you conscious of the impact you may have on other people?

How we choose to remember our past

As different things happen in your life, your priorities naturally change, so what was important at one stage, might be less so now. For example, when you are, young, free and single, things are very different, to when you start settling down, get married, start a family and begin to build a career. But it is our past experiences, that make us the people that we are today. All the choices that we have made, have brought us to this point in our lives.

For most of us, it is very important to hang onto things from our past, that will bring back memories, of key times in our lives. Perhaps people we met, experiences we had, things we achieved, or even sentimental objects that we bought or were bought for us. As I have got older, my desire for 'things' has become much less. Birthdays and Christmas's have become more about, celebrating with family and friends rather than sharing meaningless gifts.

I guess my illness has a lot to do with this way of thinking. However,we have spent a lot of time clearing through the clutter, with which we have filled our house over the years. Most of it, very valued at the time, but 30 years or so on, I am struggling to remember why we kept it. Of course there are a few things that have sentimental value, but very few.Some of my friends have the same music on vinyl, tape, CD and now mp3. They just will not get rid of the physical evidence of their past.

My music collection has been purged, and everything is on my computer. I have no physical records or films at all. It did take some mental strength, but everything went to charity, and I feel somehow liberated! My exception to this rule, is my football programme collection. I have been going to football matches since 1965, and always buy a programme. I also buy important cup final programmes and even own a 1966 World Cup Final one. I have 1000s in my loft. My family laugh at me, and I rarely look at the collection but it would break my heart if I didn't have them.Why is this?

 Back in the early days of photographs, we have albums full of pics, as the family have grown, but we don't look at them for years. Now days we are taking pics and videos wherever we are. We can easily film anything we want to, and store it on our computers etc. It seems to be a natural urge, to cling onto the past in some way.Just because it is easy to do, will it have more value in 20-30 yrs?

Since I have entered the world of cancer, I have found, that I rely so much on my memories, as a form of sustenance.My new life started back in 2007, when I was diagnosed, so I am only 6 now! I am still trying to find a path, but the one thing that gives me strength, is the things that I had done in the past.I draw great comfort from those. Also some of the wonderful people I have met and some of the wonderful places I was able to visit, when I was well. At one time I did feel that looking too much at your past hindered your progress, but I now feel that it is aiding mine.

As I am getting older, and struggling with my health, memories are taking on a much higher priority in my life. Things that I may have decided were ordinary, when I was younger, have become much more of an event. Every birthday etc is celebrated differently now, and I make every effort to include my family and friends to make it even more special.These things are all in my head, and with me permanently, so I don't need any physical memento.Sure, it is certainly impossible to remember everything, but it seems my memory remembers what I have considered important! Although the continual treatment does make things more tricky.

Our constant desire to cling to memories, seems to indicate, the subconscious value that we place on time, in our lives.After all, it is guaranteed that we will have less of it tomorrow, than we have today. It is a very depreciating asset.We all treat our memories differently. For some of us we like to have something physical to remind us, for others, that is less important.It seems that our brain, has a certain capacity, and naturally retains our important ones and disposes of the rest.

Special people, places, challenges, times and achievements. We all have them, and choose to remember them in different ways.Time has a way of helping you gently with the bad ones, as not all memories are good. I am really starting to understand the importance of memories in our lives. Is that because I am older, my health is poor,or is it natural?

How do you deal with yours? Have you even found the value of them yet?

Carol's legacy will live on

I consider myself very privileged to meet and communicate with the very wonderful people that I do.Everyone's case is special, and there are always moments that make me draw breath. It never ceases to amaze me, the number of inspirational people that are in this world.Every now and again, I see a story that stops me in my tracks, and this is one of those!

A fantastic example, of how Social Media, is helping the world join up, and enabling us to do things that would have seemed impossible, just a few years ago. I wanted to share Jeffrey's story with you all. A young guy, who understands the value of doing things while you can. Carol, his grandmother has terminal lung cancer. He wants to use his skills to preserve some memories for the future, and share his values with the world. Those of us affected by cancer will understand exactly what he is talking about.

This piece is longer than usual, but it deserves your time! I have viewed the video on countless occasions,(link at the bottom of the piece) and it never fails to move me. Here is Jeffrey's story in his own words.

"Hey everyone,

My name is Jeffrey Brant. I am a 25 year old, aspiring filmmaker from

Nashville, Tennessee. I’ve been focusing on freelance video the past

two years, and have been making great strides toward a career in film.

I started JBrantFilms, a freelance company of my own, to get my work

out to the public eye. Our support has been great since I started, but

now my producer and I are starting to focus on topics that we feel

deserve our attention. This is why I’m reaching out to you today.

On January 9th 2013, my grandmother was diagnosed with stage four-lung
cancer with doctors only giving her a few months to live. Now my
biggest regret in dealing with the death of family and friends in the
past, is not being able to understand WHY I didn’t do more to preserve
their memory. Why didn’t I take the time to ask the questions that
really mattered? And above all, with having a passion for a camera,
why didn’t I ever use this media to record moments and preserve
memories I had with my loved ones?

My father passed away going into my senior year of high school in
2005. My best friend and I found him on the front lawn, dead from what
they said was a massive heart attack. It took a couple of years to
finally understand why the tragedy had such a prolonged effect on me.
It was not until I came into my own as an independent person and an
independent thinker that I realized I had never truly known the man
who raised me. I never knew what made him tick. I never knew what his
deepest regrets or his childhood dreams were. I never got to know the
person who always picked me up from basketball practices and gave me
money whenever I needed it. I was too busy with routines that I firmly
believed were the most important things in my life at that time.
However, that was not true.

After watching one of those “heart felt story” kinds of movies at four
in the morning, days after her diagnosis, I was inspired to tell my
grandmother’s story in dealing with this cancer. A documentary I’ve
named, “Head Up..Heart Full,” is a story with hopes of teaching a
lesson about life and how precious it really is. I want to portray how
the most important gifts we have, especially each other, are often
taken for granted.

On February 6th 2013, I launched an online crowd funding platform
through a website called IndieGoGo.com. We set our goal of $20,000 to
help raise money for cost of equipment, pay for the travel and lodging
expenses for a small crew, including myself, as well as promotion and
distribution for the feature film when it is complete. We want to push
this message to as many film festivals as possible, worldwide. The
fundraiser is set to last 32 days, ending on March 10th 2013.

As stated above, the funding we raise will cover the costs of
traveling and lodging. This is because the story takes place on a
Native American reservation in Canada where I was born. I’m a
full-blooded Native American Ojibwa from the Mississaugas of the New
Credit First Nation reserve in Ontario, Canada. Through this firsthand
look at cancer, I also want to cover the culture of a society that not
many people know much about these days. We want the message of life to
be first and foremost, but we want to do it in a style that’s visually
compelling, true to the native theme, and most importantly relatable
to an audience of all races affected by this disease.

All I ask is that you take five minutes today to watch the video on
the link below. Click the "contribute" button and help donate to our
cause. Help spread the word and let’s make this film a reality. Every
little bit counts, I promise you that. Every little bit makes a
difference. This story isn’t just for my family, but for everyone who
has seen their lives and the lives of those close to them torn to the
ground by this awful disease. The message is not about death, but the
importance of life and all of its wonderful attributes that go
unnoticed. I still believe compassion in our society has a long ways
to go. This is just our contribution at making it believable once
more.

With all my best wishes,                 

Jeffrey Brant "

IndieGoGo Link:
http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/head-up-heart-full-documentary

www.JBrantFilms.com