Unfinished business

I am a very lucky man. I have a loving and supportive family, and the best friends that anyone could ever wish for. I have a social life as busy as I can cope with, and I get asked to do lots of very exciting things. My days are never predictable and to a degree, health and hospital appointments permitting, I can do what I feel like doing, when I feel like doing it. Unfortunately that doesn't include foreign holidays, as I don't feel I have the energy to take that on just yet.

For the last 5 years, cancer has dominated my life. For the first part of that, it wasn't my choice. It took me down like a bolt of lightening and before I knew it, I was enveloped in the physical, psychological and emotional feelings that I wasn't prepared for. How to deal with all the things that were coming at me, I just didn't have a clue. I made it up as I went along. It was a bit like one of those computer games where each stage you reach there are suprises coming at you from all directions. you cannot plan, as you don't know what is going to be happening.

That was probably for the first eighteen months or so. I then took cancer as a companion of choice too, for the rest of my journey. Some people find it hard to understand why I made that choice, but given the fact that there was no way I could continue in my old career, it just felt right! Sometimes we make decisions in life, not always based on logic, and this was one of those.I do sometimes contemplate being illness free and think that I might have made the wrong decision.I imagine myself writing a CV,( which I have only ever done twice in my life!!!) or trying to explain in an interview, if I could even get that far in the process, what I have been doing with the last five years of my life.

I didn't even think about how I would earn money if I was well enough to ever work again. Maybe I should have started some form of informal training that might lead me to a paid role.Too late anyway, to worry what I should have done. So where do I go from here? I really don't want to retire at all. I have no desire to sit back and take things easy. Will I ever be well enough to work again, who knows.I am aware that my main concern is my health and without that nothing else matters. So I guess that until I am in the position of being well enough for long enough, I shouldn't start thinking about it. But I do!!!

I was at a function a few days ago, and I was talking to a lady who I knew well enough to say hello to but not much more than that. She had seen the TV show and had seen some of the work I do for the first time.She said that it was wonderful what I was doing, and didn't I wish I had done it earlier? I said I couldn't really have done it any earlier if I had wanted to as I needed to earn money. She said yes, but you are getting a lot more satisfaction now. I agreed but emphasised that I am not paid for what I do. I had to explain that even good guys need money to live on!!!

So, whether or not I should be, I am still wondering what I will do as paid employment in the future. What is my worth in todays job market?? If I was in good health I'm not sure what my value would be, let alone now. But I'm not quite ready for the bin just yet so we will see what the future holds. In truth I shouldn't be here now, so should I be suprised at what happens next?

Would you really like to give up work given the choice?? I think we all need some of that routine that work brings us. What do you think???