How we look is who we are?

This post has been bouncing around in my head for some weeks. I guess it was prompted by Angelina Jolie, but something I had been thinking about for some time. Also it was pointed out that in this sector, there are few males, writing, and the perspectives are very different, so it is interesting to hear things from the male side of the fence.

Recently there was a furore when a commentator at Wimbledon, passed a personal opinion on the looks of one of the female competitors. This produced a massive reaction, calling him sexist etc. But it highlighted for me, the importance that we place on our looks. Not only how others see us, but  more importantly how we see ourselves. There is no truer saying than, 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder.' We would all like to see ourselves as attractive, and hope also, that others might see us that way. Thankfully for us all, we are attracted by different things. In my eyes, that makes us all attractive to some people, in some way!

When watching TV or reading magazines, I see actors who have had 'work' done. Teeth whitening, hair transplants/extensions, Botox, nips and tucks everywhere. It is now so common. Faces are often airbrushed in advertisements. Is this because people feel they are unhappy with their appearance? Are we seeking to look forever young?

I saw a tweet a few days ago from a young lady, who had just been diagnosed, with cancer and would require chemotherapy. Her comment was that she was determined not to  " look like a cancer patient." I wondered briefly, what her vision was?  Which leads me nicely into thinking about how our appearance during illness, can be even more important to us.

Those of you who know me, will be aware that I have always been reasonably relaxed about my appearance. Never really a snappy dresser, mainly a casual guy, but would always wish to be seen as 'presentable,' particularly in female company! However, I was distraught at the ravages of cancer and it's treatment on my body.Fat, skinny, with hair, bald, yellow, pale, and any combination of those. When I looked in the mirror, I felt worse than I did before. Even though I was fighting for my life, I was concerned with my appearance.It felt that my body was actually reflecting the way I felt physically.

We can argue forever, whether we live in a sexist society, and if that is right or wrong. I suggest we do, and I am fully appreciative of the ladies out there, and the importance of looking and feeling good. My work and personal experience has shown me close up, some of the massive emotional and psychological issues that are faced by people going through cancer. I have been involved in numerous conversations regarding the pros and cons of surgery, and how life would be affected afterwards. For several, it was a close call between their appearance and  long term health.

Thankfully things have progressed in recent years. There are now more options than a basic N.H.S wig, if you are losing your hair. Even newer treatments, to stop hair loss in certain cases. A lot of  companies have specialist staff to help with clothing and lingerie etc after any breast surgery. Even whilst in hospital you maybe offered some complementary therapies, to help you feel a bit better. There are now also a lot of specialist products to help you with some of the side effects you may experience with your skin etc. 

I have only touched on a few examples of some of the ways we may be affected by our disease and it's treatment. The point I would like to emphasise is that to most people, their psychological and emotional well being is linked to their appearance. My experience has shown me that this is more prevalent in ladies but affects us all to some degree. If we are not careful we can get on a downward spiral, particularly in the early stages of treatment, where our physical changes may be more apparent.

In my own circumstances, it seemed that what I saw in the mirror, was very different to how I was seen by everyone else. My perception of things was worse than reality. Everyone was kindly insisting that these things were trivial, and that things would improve. Some of them have, but some not. However in the grand scheme of life I have learnt to be happy with how I am now. Even when I was healthy, there were still things I wasn't happy with, and that is still the same today!

My thanks go to Jennifer Young, who inspired me to write this piece. Jennifer has got a fabulous website with lots of information and products created specifically for people going through cancer treatment.Please check out her fabulous site and you can find her on Twitter @JenniferSkin

" Am I boring without my cancer? "

Firstly, I would like to say that it is not me asking the above question! This came from one of my followers on Twitter, and it got me thinking. The reason that tweet had been sent, was they had found that since they were in remission, and treatment had finished, the amount of followers they had was rapidly decreasing.

They had very quickly put the two things together and made that assumption. That then made me wonder, and I looked at my own life since cancer, and many other people that I know, both personally, and via social media.

In several of my previous posts, particularly 'my name is not cancer,' I have talked about the fact that whether we like it or not, we tend to be seen as that person with cancer, rather than the person you were before. Personally I have got used to that now, but I know that people who have little experience of what we go through, have a quiet fascination to know more. I guess also, that in many ways we encourage that curiosity, by the awareness raising that we do. Also, if no one asked about things, we may just assume they weren't interested!

 

I wasn't using social media from the start of my journey, so I have no direct comparison, but an example that is valid, would be my fundraising . I started raising funds after my stem-cell transplant. There was a fantastic wave of enthusiasm by people to donate. As time moved on, that waned, and raising money became more difficult. Along the way, I have been seriously ill on numerous occasions and the donations have increased. Now, only currently having maintenance treatment regularly, and after 6 years, it is a lot more difficult to raise enthusiasm.

Is it then, our use of social media that gives us a 'slanted' vision of how people view us? A lot of people tend to judge their own popularity, by the quantity , and coming and going of followers. Personally I don't. I have always tried to have fun, and make people smile. That hasn't changed since my diagnosis. What has changed, is that I now use social media!

However, when I review my own journey, since diagnosis many interesting things have occurred, both good and bad. Since, and because of my illness, some incredible things have happened for me, and I have met people, and done things that I could only have dreamed about, in my life before cancer. There is talk in the future about a book. The ironic thing is, that there is little appetite for the first 50 years of my life, the most excitement, is about what happened after I was diagnosed!

Due to my cancer work I am now known around the world, through conferences and social media etc. Certainly that would never have happened in my previous life, but I would like to think that people enjoy what I do, rather than having an intrigue into my health issues. Or am I kidding myself?

Most of the patients that I know through here or personally, were quite happy getting on with their lives, until cancer came along. A lot of us enter the internet world, because we want to connect with like minded people, raise awareness and find out more information. We are passionate about what we do, and open our lives up to the world. This creates, in many cases, a swell of interest, generally temporary, short or longer term. Then our lives go back to a 'new normal.'

Life with cancer, creates many highs and lows, physically and mentally. It can be difficult dealing with the physical side of things alone. At times there is a lot of attention paid to you because of your condition, not only from the medical profession. If there is a positive conclusion for you after treatment, it can be extremely difficult, psychologically, to return to everyday life. Maybe, without a lot of the attention that we were used to.

 

This year I will be talking at more conferences than ever before, only because of my illness. It is great that so many people are interested in things, and a valuable opportunity to raise awareness, but I would be doing none of this if I hadn't got sick. Certainly my phone never rang with so many interesting people.

In my own case, I will never be far from this terrible disease, so this is part of my 'new life,' but I can empathise with people who might question, where all the people go, when they get better. 

What is your view? How has your life changed? Is this an issue you have even thought about? I look forward to hearing from you.
         
                          You will always find me on Twitter @christheeagle1